Sentence The Fourhundredandsixteenth

And when Ranulph Ochan'toshan set eyes on his visitors, he was fair overcome with emotion – he'd heard about the mysterious goings on in The Eildons, heard that there were apparently dying men in there, that Thomas the Rhymer had emerged along with two young women and had been giving long statements to the police, and there was some kind of a stushie about that old bore Dane turning into two old bores, “what's the world coming to?” he'd asked his pretty little 12-year-old Romanian
house-girl, known to the village as 'that poor man's deaf and dumb daughter abandoned to him when his wanton hussy of a wife ran away with a travelling circus, and he fair dotes on her, such a gentleman is Mr Ochan'toshan,' and she had looked blankly at him, for she couldn't speak or understand a word of English, other than “suck, fuck and bend over,” which were all she needed to know as far as Ralphy was concerned and “tres condign”, as he was wont to say; and his best friends, a very useful pair of friends indeed, and fellow members of The Golden Ring, Detective Sergeant Larry 'Knickers' Lauderdale, and his 'wife' Christiane – actually a plump transvestite who had passed
as a rather fetching Principal Boy in Panto for a number of years, until (s)he fell head-over-heels for Knickers and gave up the footlights for the dubious charms of life in a rural backwater; they helped Ralphy run the village Youth Club and had spare keys for the, usually locked, vestry in the pretty little Kirk, handily placed down a lane and over a bridge, far enough away from any prying eyes, always kept him informed of any police activity in the neighbourhood, and Knickers had just been on the phone to say “the story is that DCC Duncan Doubleday is believed to be one of the mysterious foursome, lying comatose in the caves, although there is as yet no identity for the other three, and preparations are in place for an exploration tomorrow, once all the bangs and whizzes have stopped,” but now Ralphy recognised George Gill and had a funny feeling that one of the others was, utterly impossible but my oh my, Sir Parlane MacFarlane (whose portrait he had upstairs) while the fourth man could almost pass for Duncan's brother, so alike were they, and he now wondered if all the legends about the hills being hollow and that a great Cavern, tall as a Cathedral, was where King Arthur and the Knights of his Round Table, sat on oaken chairs around that very table, sleeping until the Alarum is sounded when they will wake and ride out (on their horses, also sleeping, in stables deeper still) to save Great Britain in her darkest hour, which are usually dismissed as piffle, could possibly be true! “come in dears, my home is yours, all I have is at your disposal, by the look of you, you are in need of ablutions, Lolly will show you the way,” and he turned to the girl, “chop, chop,” and mimed a shower and washing, and she nodded and turned towards the stairs, “I'm sure my clothes should fit you all, maybe need a belt for the britches, and I'll attend to the gastronomy – I'm rather known as the local Gastro Gnome hereabouts, and later we can have a wee party, let me know your preferences, boys or girls – I see wee jack and Jill are waiting for their sweeties, shall I invite them, and Knickers and Christiane of course,” and he saw Duncan's eyes light up, evidently remembering shagging the arse off Christiane last summer, “and we've had a natatorium installed in the conservatory – not Olympian, but quite Elysian, if I say so myself, which I just have, oh, I'm all aflutter, what a wonderful surprise, dear fellows, oh yes, a Real Party I think, I'll send Lolly to pop a
few invitations into the right letter-boxes, but don't worry, not a crowd, just those and such as those, who all know how to keep shtum, oh, I think I need a cuppa, oh forgive me, my manners have evaporated, what can I get you to drink, tea, coffee, beer, wine, Usquebaugh, or one of my special cocktails?” and Dominic gave him a leer, and said: “send Lolly up with a jug and deliver the invites yourself, Matey, and we'll be fine, we're all Shipmates here; make it Jackie, Jill, another couple of boys and four girls about Lolly's age, and say a couple of single mums and one cuck-wife and her hubby should do nicely,” and he winked and hurried up the stairs after the others!