Sentence The Fourhundredandeleventh

Once one of the Sir Clement Danes had given his initial statement to Detective Inspector Gordon Brevity, who had then passed it to his wife, Sergeant Goldy Brevity, who had then passed it to her cousin, the intrepid WPC Isa Urquhart, who had shown it to another cousin, the rather peeved Trainee

WPC Gertie Mountcastle, who muttered something that sounded rather like “he should be dumped in a hole if they can find one big enough for that hooter of his,” and then said smartly: “the Cave and Mountain Rescue are standing by with Paramedics, it's just a question of who goes in first . . . . .” with the unspoken, “please don't make it be me,” hanging, like an elephant in the room, between them, but the logical WPC Urquhart said with authority: “we need one of the soldiers, perhaps Captain Turpin, because he knows his way about the Cavern; one of the speleologists, maybe Marcella Rossi, she's been arguing for years that The Eildons are indeed hollow, as the legends say, but no-one seemed to listen, or back her pleas for a full geophysical survey, and she's been on a lot of Cave rescues, and I like her, and in fact her scientific approach may act as isinglass in helping to clear up some of the confusion of the case and help us get to the nitty-gritty; a paramedic, Marigold Fantoni is a doughty lass and tells me she has no fear of enclosed places - when her wife, Toni, does her Magic Show she gets put in a box and then vanishes, only to be found sitting in the middle of one of the rows, eating popcorn – have you met her twin sister? oh, you should, she's just your type – she's the photographer for the Border Telegraph, Honeysuckle Horton, you have, you're blushing to your roots, you naughty girl, Gertie, okay, say no more; and an Officer of the Law, which will have to be me, seeing as you've got a note from your mum, saying you are excused from going into tight corners ever since you got your head stuck in a cake tin; at which point Gertie blew up a crisp bag and with a cavalier disregard for the possible consequebces both for her person and her career, banged it between her hands and, as it had been almost full, showered Isa with crisp crumbs at which point Gertie ran out of the briefing room and locked herself in the toilet! but Isa didn't reprimand her colleague, for she understood how her doughty cousin had smarted under the Dane's dismissal of her as a 'mere constable' and softly spoke through the bolted door: “come out, Gertie, the DCI is coming down from Edinburgh to compliment you for your sharp hearing, catching the refence to DCC Doubleday being in the caves, especially amid all the fanfare and racket of the trainspotters trying to climb all over the Flying Scotsman – some people would have been so distracted by their encounter with Honeysuckle that they would have missed it; you've proven yourself to be a dedicated and attentive officer and DCI Bruse wants to thank you personally,” and she heard Gertie blow her nose and unlock the door and saw her tearful face peep round it: “he does?” asked Gertie, rather

hesitatingly, “indeed he does, so wash your face and straighten yourself up, we've still got a lot of work to do and if you wouldn't mind phoning your photographer chum and asking her to bring a set of photos round, they'll help us explain to the DCI about the fact that we have now got two Sir Clement Danes staying at Aunty Crist's with all those American soldiers; we'll need to arrange for them to be interviewed as soon as the US Consul gets here in,” she glanced at her watch, “about half an hour, and she's quite a stickler for protocol – and rather gorgeous too!”