Sentence The Threehundredandninetyeighth

She might have thought her sidelong glances had gone unnoticed but Sir Clement Dane, Regius Professor of Mediaeval Architecture and acknowledged authority on Ruskin's Stones of Venice, was never unwitting, for he already new Dame Cristobal Dumbiedykes, Emeritus Professor of Archaeology, and, much more than that, knew what she did not know, that he had been invited to

Melrose to visit the projected site of a mysterious Cavern under the magical Eildon Hills, said to have been one Eildon Hill until the much maligned Wizard Michael Scott challenged Satan to divide it in

three, a task which Satan performed easily, and that it was only the third challenge which successfully embroiled Satan in making ropes from the grains of sand on Dunbar beach, where he sits still, a panjandrum without any power, on a little stool, peering at handful after handful, in perpetuity, having long ago forgotten to maintain order in Hell which has since been abandoned by his minions,

tired of inflicting pain, repudiating their Dark Master and gone over to the Other Side, and all the souls imprisoned there having climbed the stairs to Heaven had been welcomed by Old Saint Peter at

the Pearly Gates, with a choice of Orange Juice, Wine or Malt, to toast their ascendancy and cement their new everlasting belongingness, and a selection of tray-bakes to nibble, before embarking on one of the individual guided tours by representatives of the Residents Association who showed them the various opportunities available: no more troubles, no conflict, no hectoring or bullying, perfect peace, and more: the selection is infinite, but includes peaceful Zen gardens, with wind-chimes and

bird-song; mountain-tops, with amazing vistas; vast prairies; Shangri-La valleys, where age never troubles the residents; and perennially popular beaches, with gentle lapping waves or Big Sur for the truly adventurous, sunset skies, or crisp morning light; and companionship either in the extended family group, with parents, cousins, grandparents and cousins galore, or simply with the life partner 

who has gone before; or perhaps surrounded by former lovers; or maybe a special package which allows try-before-you-buy tasters of all the fantasies never before indulged or experienced; and don't be a stick-in-the-mud: visit Mars, visit Uranus, go to Alpha Centauri, to Betelgeuse, swim across the Milky Way and see new stars being born or old ones die, the unattainable Speed of Light is a thing of your past, there are no speed limits here, indeed there is no limit to the Hereafter because it is Always Here, After Life and every new resident has plenty of time to decide how, where and with whom they want to pass eternity, and applications for visits to Him may also be discussed with your representative whenever you wish; no rush, no pressure, for eternity goes on for a long, long time; and for those who crave an active life, who wish to use their hands, their bodies, their minds, there is every opportunity available – do what you are good at, or turn your mind, hands, skill to things you have never even dreamt of trying – Heaven Knows No Limits, for Heaven Has No Limits – from Archery to Zoology, this is the God's University and anyone can learn whatever new skills they want, with all the time in Heaven to do it – The Old World may have been your Lobster, Heaven is your Golders Green Cheesecake! oh, but what about Sir Clement, Professor Dane? well, he tripped on a

kerb, fell heavily and cracked his skull on a cobble-stone, and by the time the paramedics arrived from their base at the nearby BGH – just 7 minutes, pretty quick, eh, but even then, almost too late - Dane was in a deep coma, not quite a goner, not yet, still just about here in body, but not altogether here in spirit, at least not at Tweedbank Station, for he, or some elusive part of him, was already far, far away, and yet, in some strange way, also so very near!