Sentence The Sixhundredandfiftyfirst

 

He was tall and thin, ungainly, looking younger than his probable age, and Marcus introduced him to Christiane as Umbraticus: "a spider, is that really your name?" and he laughed, "no, just what our friend here has always called me, so a kind of pet-name, I suppose, if that signifies some kind of fondness; Cornelius Laudius Claudius at your service, madam," and he had bowed to kiss her offered hand, then turning to Marcus said: "have you seen him, he's here?" but Marcus shook his head: "who's here, Umbraticus?" and his friend explained: "Paracelsus Priapus Mafarlanius," and Marcus' face turned white and severe and he muttered "Sturm und Drang!" in a tight voice; "who is that?" asked Christiane, and Cornelius replied, "a Tribune, not a friend of ours, I hasten to add – he has rather a reputation, in more ways than two; they say that he rigged an election, by redrawing the boundaries to his best advantage (and Christiane remembered hearing about something called gerrymandering in Northern Ireland, which she had thought at first to be someone's name, and caused a lot of laughter when she asked at a party once: "who actually is this Gerry Mandering? is he that beardy guy in Shin Bet or Sinn Fein or sumpn?" although it was good-natured and did not imply her own stupidity, she nevertheless was conscious of strange and inexplicable gaps in her knowledge) he seduced the wife of a Senator and was posted to Alba as a punishment; but he is renowned among the soldiers as a senior officer who prefers to be in the thick of battle rather than dancing attendance on the generals on a hillside where they can watch all from a safe distance; and Christiane asked "is Priapus really his name?" and 'Spider' laughed, "no, that only refers to his particular cachet,

best-known characteristic, you might say, which is an extremely large penis, which hangs down near to his knees in it's flaccid state, but in a fight it arises and becomes his secret weapon, when rigid, he uses it as a club and has felled a score of enemies over the years through using it in that way; women seem to dote in it, though I would imagine it is too big for a woman and better fitted to fucking a cow!" and he nearly collapse in a fit of giggles, which turned into a coughing fit and soon had Marcus and Christiane laughing alongside him; "no, no," said Umbraticus, "you must realise I exaggerate, although I wouldn't put it past him to shag a cow if that was the only female around, I'm sure he's had sheep already and probably quite a few other large beasts – but, I forget my manners," he said turning to Christiane, "the trouble with being connected to the Army is that you soon lose all sense of decorum and that can result in inelegant speech and behaviour when ladies are present," and Christiane accepted his apology, but then said: "I'm no 'Lady', I'm with him!" nudging Marcus, who blushed to his roots, while Umbraticus chortled with glee: "you seem to have found your perfect match," he said, clapping Marcus on the back, then facing Christiane, said: "treat him gently, dear Christiane, he is a mere mortal and as putty in the hands of a Goddess!" at which it was Christiane's turn to blush to her roots, and Umbraticus got great amusement from the two lovers shyness! and then Christiane apologised to Spider, saying she felt rather oscitant and asked Marcus if he would mind

seeing her back to her lodgings, as night had quickly overtaken the Camp, and despite lanterns having been lit, she was not quite familiar enough with the maze of paths and walkways between the various barracks to find her own way back, particularly as it had just begun to snow again and foot-tracks were already disappearing fast!