SentenceThe Twohundredandseventyfifth
“I think you need to see this,” said Aunty Crist to the shivering Chrysanthemum MacGillicuddy, seated beside her on the sofa; she pressed play and the image of the philandering academic appeared, waxing lyrical about all of humanity being directly descended from Adam and Eve and how his spade
work on the Eildon Hills had produced conclusive proof; “and what do you say to those sceptics who may simply pooh-pooh what you are suggesting as a load of dross?” asked Catriona Renton, the prettiest roving reporter on BBC Scotland's screens, and Professor Andrew MacAndrew gave her his famous 'stare' which had been known to curdle milk and reduce students to vomiting, but the doughty reporter returned it with her insouciant, but very genteel, sneer – normally reserved for shady businessmen and murderers – accompanied with the cross-eyes, achieved by staring at the tip of her nose, and this produced a stuttering, fluttering and foaming spittle which was projected from the Wise Man's lips, some landing on the camera lens (which caused some viewers of Reporting Scotland to look out of their own windows for possible snow) and his retort gave rise to considerable chortling and guffaws from Copshie Holm to Tillicoultry and Port William to Wick: “I can Poo Poo every bit as loudly and effectively as them!” he said, and then corrected himself, “I mean pooh-pooh, of course, not Poo Poo,” clapped his hand over his mouth and fainted, his fall, having all the terpsichorean movement and timing which put it on a par with Dell Boy's famous tumble into the
cellar on Only Fools and Horses was captured in it's entirety by Camera Girl Lettie MacAloon, of whom much more will follow, no doubt; and Aunty Crist switched off the TV on which they had been watching the recording of the creep's literal downfall and turned to pretty Chrysanthemum who
simply said: “serves the Bugger right,” and as a wave of affluenza swept over her, fell sobbing into Cristobal's protective arms.

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