Sentence The Fiftyfifth
The Dumbiedykes-Lyttleton Family, together with its Davidova-Goldfish-Moncrief-Urquhart-Somerville-and-Waters Branches and the many Twigs thereof, were overjoyed to Celebrate the Marriage of Dr Daphne Dumbiedykes to Dr Maude Lyttleton on Wednesday just past, at the Sounding of the One-o'clock-Gun; the Ceremony took place in the Temple of Athene on Calton Hill, Officiated by Miss Jinty Moncrief, niece of the Happy Couple and a Celebrant Licensed to Officiate at Weddings and other significant ceremonies (what in the Trade are referred to as Hatches, Matches and Dispatches) in accordance with the Laws of Scotland and the Rites of the Free Unitarian Congregational Church of Athene and All Souls in the Combined Parishes of Morningside, Duddingston and Newhaven and all Districts contained Therein; an Assembly of the Family Within The Parish was convened for the purpose of Witnessing the Marriage and Bestowing the Gifts of Athene on the Happy Couple; in place of Wedding Presents, Gift-Aid to Alzheimer UK were respectfully requested; attested hereunder by Miss Jinty Moncrief, DD; now, following the Wedding, a Reception was held in The Pleasance, where family and friends, guests from far and wide, past and present students, and representatives of academia, the arts, archaeology, history and politics, medicine, neuroscience and linguistics mingled freely; entertainment was provided by The Gay Gordons Make-shift Ceilidh Band (with Gordon Brevity on the Fiddle, Goldy Brevity on Accordion, the effervescent WPC Isa Urquhart on Spoons, Ginger Goldfish on Kazoo, Roxy and Trixie Davidova harmonising on Paper and Combs, Leigh Waters kept everyone in tempo on Drums, Elvira Dumbiedykes provided a thumping beat with herTea-Chest Bass, Teri Somerville waved her hands around the Theremin to great effect and Jinty Moncrief provided Vocals) and Maud and her friends – Cecilia, Grizzel, Tuffy (who had been so tipsy on the Hen Night with Maude that she forgot her own name and told anyone who would listen, on the stagger up to the High Street, that her name was Bunty) and Lettice – in their pink uniforms as The Famous Five's Hair Salon Quintet, belting out Andrews Sisters numbers, interspersed with choruses of “I Belong Tae Glesca”, which of course might had placed them in some jeopardy after the previous night's kerfuffle outside the Castle, but, as Daphne commented to Teri – “will those girls never learn” and the entire evening was admirably held together by comedian Suzie Calmac as MC, who also demonstrated her skills with a performance of erotic Shadow Puppetry to rousing applause; revellers revelled, danced, cavorted with each other in the happiness that reigned, even Dixie O'Hooligan and Bunty Longformacus (dressed as Polly Peachum, having come straight from The Lyceum Theatre and her performance in The Beggar's Opera) had a Ball; somewhere in the crowd, Martin Elginbrod QC might have been glimpsed, relating to Bernie Westwater the tale of a client of his who, on an impromptu visit to St Giles, had a mystical experience – some might say a case of Jerusalem Syndrome – in which he felt himself to be so taken over with the spirit of John Knox that he eventually came to believe himself the New Messiah, the Second Coming of The Lord, and was moved to devote the rest of his life to walking up and down the Mound in Sackcloth and Ashes and urging his fellow citizens to Repent, for the End is Nigh, until he was placed in a secure unit for his own safety, at which Bernie yawned, and said that she knew the person, for he was her Uncle, at which Elginbrod urged her to have another glass of Irn Bru, fortified with a measure of fine Single Malt from his silver hip flask – would he have done so, or indeed fawned over her so much, had he but known that Bernie was a cousin of the O'Hooligan Twins and her interest in him was purely a Honey Trap to ensnare the gullible goat and keep close tabs on him; and the festivities went on until the wee small hours of today – a few sore heads are expected, particularly those of The Famous Five who managed to consume more alcohol than most – and ne'er a drop of Irn Bru was seen to pass their lips!.
The Dumbiedykes-Lyttleton Family, together with its Davidova-Goldfish-Moncrief-Urquhart-Somerville-and-Waters Branches and the many Twigs thereof, were overjoyed to Celebrate the Marriage of Dr Daphne Dumbiedykes to Dr Maude Lyttleton on Wednesday just past, at the Sounding of the One-o'clock-Gun; the Ceremony took place in the Temple of Athene on Calton Hill, Officiated by Miss Jinty Moncrief, niece of the Happy Couple and a Celebrant Licensed to Officiate at Weddings and other significant ceremonies (what in the Trade are referred to as Hatches, Matches and Dispatches) in accordance with the Laws of Scotland and the Rites of the Free Unitarian Congregational Church of Athene and All Souls in the Combined Parishes of Morningside, Duddingston and Newhaven and all Districts contained Therein; an Assembly of the Family Within The Parish was convened for the purpose of Witnessing the Marriage and Bestowing the Gifts of Athene on the Happy Couple; in place of Wedding Presents, Gift-Aid to Alzheimer UK were respectfully requested; attested hereunder by Miss Jinty Moncrief, DD; now, following the Wedding, a Reception was held in The Pleasance, where family and friends, guests from far and wide, past and present students, and representatives of academia, the arts, archaeology, history and politics, medicine, neuroscience and linguistics mingled freely; entertainment was provided by The Gay Gordons Make-shift Ceilidh Band (with Gordon Brevity on the Fiddle, Goldy Brevity on Accordion, the effervescent WPC Isa Urquhart on Spoons, Ginger Goldfish on Kazoo, Roxy and Trixie Davidova harmonising on Paper and Combs, Leigh Waters kept everyone in tempo on Drums, Elvira Dumbiedykes provided a thumping beat with herTea-Chest Bass, Teri Somerville waved her hands around the Theremin to great effect and Jinty Moncrief provided Vocals) and Maud and her friends – Cecilia, Grizzel, Tuffy (who had been so tipsy on the Hen Night with Maude that she forgot her own name and told anyone who would listen, on the stagger up to the High Street, that her name was Bunty) and Lettice – in their pink uniforms as The Famous Five's Hair Salon Quintet, belting out Andrews Sisters numbers, interspersed with choruses of “I Belong Tae Glesca”, which of course might had placed them in some jeopardy after the previous night's kerfuffle outside the Castle, but, as Daphne commented to Teri – “will those girls never learn” and the entire evening was admirably held together by comedian Suzie Calmac as MC, who also demonstrated her skills with a performance of erotic Shadow Puppetry to rousing applause; revellers revelled, danced, cavorted with each other in the happiness that reigned, even Dixie O'Hooligan and Bunty Longformacus (dressed as Polly Peachum, having come straight from The Lyceum Theatre and her performance in The Beggar's Opera) had a Ball; somewhere in the crowd, Martin Elginbrod QC might have been glimpsed, relating to Bernie Westwater the tale of a client of his who, on an impromptu visit to St Giles, had a mystical experience – some might say a case of Jerusalem Syndrome – in which he felt himself to be so taken over with the spirit of John Knox that he eventually came to believe himself the New Messiah, the Second Coming of The Lord, and was moved to devote the rest of his life to walking up and down the Mound in Sackcloth and Ashes and urging his fellow citizens to Repent, for the End is Nigh, until he was placed in a secure unit for his own safety, at which Bernie yawned, and said that she knew the person, for he was her Uncle, at which Elginbrod urged her to have another glass of Irn Bru, fortified with a measure of fine Single Malt from his silver hip flask – would he have done so, or indeed fawned over her so much, had he but known that Bernie was a cousin of the O'Hooligan Twins and her interest in him was purely a Honey Trap to ensnare the gullible goat and keep close tabs on him; and the festivities went on until the wee small hours of today – a few sore heads are expected, particularly those of The Famous Five who managed to consume more alcohol than most – and ne'er a drop of Irn Bru was seen to pass their lips!.
Comments
Post a Comment