Sentence The Sixhundredandsixtyfifth

 

Sarah Siddons taught Griselda – or Grace as she now was – all she knew about men; initially it was a Theoretical education, explaining to her new friend and room-mate with the aid of a picture-book which had been given her by her 'friend' Sir Peveril MacFarlane and contained many bawdy illustrations of fornication in all it's variety of shapes and sizes, of postures and positions, of the pleasures of simple coupling and of the imaginative combinations available when two men enjoy one women, or one man enjoys two; "quite often 'is valet, Dirk Doubleday, performs also," explained Sarah, "an' they occasionally brings a third man, who always wears a mask, they calls 'im 'Walter', though I doubt that's 'is real name – I saw a label in 'is coat one day, embroidered 'Umbraticus Major' now whether 'e's a Army Major or just the elder Umbraticus, I don't know an' shan't ask, so neither shall you – an' then all three work together – after all," she showed Grace a coloured illustration,

"we've got three 'oles ain't we, an' as Perry postulates: 'what's the point of three if three can't go into them simultanteroniously,' or somethin' like that, an' it's true, surely, an' if anyone sez different I just sez 'what's the 'arm?' for it's humming nature," and Grace could find no arguments against this logic;

"but are we not taught in the Bible to save ourselves for marriage and a husband, who will expect virgin modesty in his wife?" and oh how Sally roared with genuine mirth at the very idea: "listen 'ear, my gel, Marriage is Bondage, little more than Slavery, an' a 'usband is a Slave-Master: 'e expects yer to cook for 'im, do 'is laundry, keep 'is house, mend 'is clothes, polish 'is boots, lick 'is arse if 'e chooses, an' open yer legs preprandial ter him ev'ry night, maybe twice on a Sunday and all 'e doles out is the minimimin what yer need fer 'ousekeepin' an' then 'e'll complain yer spends too much, they ain't never satisfied 'usbands, they always tries to squeeze blood out of a bone," and Grace suddenly thought that Sarah must have been a Wife for her voice was bitter as she complained about Husbands, "no, my dear, stick ter the Gay Life, ye've got little ter do except let a man poke yer an' what's more, get paid fer it! 'tis the best bludge fer a gel or a woman, you keeps yer own money an' don't 'ave ter ask a 'usband can 'e buy yer new boots or a bonnet on bended knee, an' you're yer own mistress; and if yer gets a good 'friend' like Sir Perry, it's even better, yer don't 'ave ter walk the streets on a wet Sunday in Winter fer the price o' a glass of brandy-and-water in return fer a feel of your quim, an' who knows, p'raps Walter may take a shine ter yer, or another o' Perry's chums be looking fer a lady-friend, but till then. we've got ter get ye rigged out. tho' we won't go ter the Argyle Rooms till after Perry's had first taste, an' given yer yer first fusillade. ooooh what a lucky gel yer is, and what a lucky day fer me when yer popped out o' my wardrobe, and no mistook!"