Sentence The Thirtyninth
As Detective Sergeant Gordon Brevity sat in his office, his eyes gazing with rapt attention at scenes culled from every public and private CCTV system within the City – many of them surreptitiously hacked by that impudent WPC Isa Urquhart – he felt confident that he would see he whom he sought: viz the gaunt mysterious Angus Og of the Bog (aka Angus Ogilvy, pensioned off postie from Dalmarnock and now a rising star in the City's Komedy Klub Circuit); he paused one scene and called to Isa to let this one stay a moment – it was the exterior of a familiar Public House but it was emblazoned with a name he had never associated with it, so he asked Isa to take a look, but she was none the wiser, and suggested they have a look at the interior scenes; quickly she found and fed four different angles to the Sergeant's screen and explained that Top Left is the bar from the entrance, Top Right is the same scene reversed, Bottom left is across the room looking towards the door to the toilets and the stairs to the Upper Function Room, and Bottom Right is that same scene reversed; Gordon pointed at one of the shots and told Isa that four of her cousins were there, right now; and near them a slutty-looking prostitute – identifiable by being dressed de rigueur for the streets, though to Gordon's taste a definite antaphrodisiac – was apparently having a case discussion with her Advocate (or simply propositioning the man, it was hard to tell with no audio), quite oblivious of the young cousins all talking at once in the privacy of their booth at the rear of the room, though Sergeant Brevity could not guess their subject; suddenly Trixie came into shot, from the double doors behind the booth: “what a Hoot,” said Trixie, returning from the Ladies to join her sister and cousins in the booth, and the four others turned their attention from the sluttish-looking girl at the bar to Trixie, expectant looks on their faces; “just met my friend Teri – the writer who's working with Daphne and Maude on their Memoirs – well, she's a guest at the Wedding Reception upstairs, that's where all the music and noise is coming from, or at least she thought she was a guest there, but she doesn't know anyone and I think I've worked out why;” and Roxy, cheekily asked – 'you' – as if nothing more surprising could be said; “yes me,” continued Trixie, “it seems she was invited to attend Georgie Corcoran and Felicity Dalwhinnie's Evening Reception in the Baillie Nicol Jarvie Inn and she came here, so I said this is Deacon Brodie's and she said she knew and I asked why she'd come here and she said she thought they'd made a mistake or rather a kind of a joke, and I asked who and she said Georgie and Felicity and I asked how and she said it was to do with Rob Roy apparently and I asked what did she mean and she said Georgie's been working on an adaptation of Rob Roy for BBC Scotland but when the Producer,” and Roxy asked who was the producer and Trixie said, “it's Mungo Macpherson of all people,” and they all laughed knowingly, and she continued, “well he wanted to set more of the action in Edinburgh so the character of Baillie Nicol Jarvie was to be moved here from Glasgow and become a Burglar and Thief in the night,” and Jinty asked if Mungo wasn't confusing him with Deacon Brodie and Trixie said, “yes, that's what Georgie said, but Mungo was adamant, he read them the riot act and became quite hysterical, saying it was for quote artistic unquote reasons – which really meant HIS reasons so now Rob Roy has Baillie Nicol Jarvie as an Edinburgh Councillor and thief in the night and Mungo wanted him to have this pub as his own, with the signs changed to say Baillie Nicol Jarvie instead of Deacon Brodie,” and Leigh asked if either Baillie Nicol Jarvie or Deacon Brodie had a pub and if so was this it, and Trixie gave her a look that said “No Comment” and continued, “so they had new signs made and erected for publicity shots and they're still up because shooting starts tomorrow, just on location scene setters, without the actors, and if we'd all been strangers instead of locals and regulars we'd have bothered to check that this was the right place, but as we didn't need to we didn't and nor did Teri, so none of us noticed the different name outside, gainsaying the true name of the place, but because of all the publicity shots around Felicity and Georgie's office or Writing Room, or whatever they call it, of this place, but with the name of BNJ, I only abbreviate to save time,” and everyone laughed because one thing Trixie never saved – or more accurately, one of the many things that Trixie never saved – was TIME, and they all shouted GO ON and she did, “so when the invitation came and she saw the picture of this pub with the BNJ signs up she assumed naturally that this was the venue, but as it's an entirely different couple upstairs, called Dusty and Rusty, or maybe one of them is Busty, and Teri didn't know a soul among the guests and none of them knew Georgie or Felicity, which is really quite surprising, but it seems they were all Rugby Bufters, so I suppose that's understandable, but anyway it seems that it's Teri who got it all wrong and now she's trying to cadge a lift to the real BNJ Hotel and Bar,” where's that, asked Elvira, reaching for her car keys, and Trixie said “Aberfoyle,” and Elvira dropped her car keys back on the table, and Trixie continued, “except that it's not, well it is and it isn't, if you see what I mean,” but no-one did, and she thought for a moment that the sluttish-looking girl at the bar with her Advocate was looking rather strangely at her, in the same way as Roxy and the others, almost as if she was following Trixie's account, but then Trixie dismissed this idea for, unless she was a lip-reader the girl was too far away and surrounded by so many men, that really, she couldn't have heard what Trixie was saying, so she re-focussed on her friends around the table and said “it's not a Hotel, it's been converted to luxury apartments – not flats – apartments, but it's called Baillie Nicol Jarvie Court and there's no way Georgie and Felicity could be having their Reception there, so obviously Teri came here, but she's now so confused, she can't tell a Baillie from a Deacon, or a Jarvie from a Brodie, and she says next thing she'll probably see Jeannie Deans walk in alive as you and me,” and the friends all hooted, and the sluttish-looking girl gulped down her vodka, touched her Advocate on the arm and hurried through the double doors towards the Ladies, and Trixie, rising, said, “excuse me, I think that girl's going to be sick,” and dashed through the doors after her, and almost simultaneously, Teri Somerville came through the doors and came over to the group and sat down where Trixie had been and said that she'd sorted it all out, that she'd simply got the day wrong, that Georgie and Felicity's nuptials are TOMORROW and the Evening Reception is here at 6pm and you know, she added, that she should have realised she'd got herself in a pickle because if it had been today, she'd have been 6 hours early instead of 30, and the friends all hooted and Teri joined in, and they were all laughing so happily and loudly that not one of them heard the scream that came from the direction of the Ladies, out by the rear of the pub!
As Detective Sergeant Gordon Brevity sat in his office, his eyes gazing with rapt attention at scenes culled from every public and private CCTV system within the City – many of them surreptitiously hacked by that impudent WPC Isa Urquhart – he felt confident that he would see he whom he sought: viz the gaunt mysterious Angus Og of the Bog (aka Angus Ogilvy, pensioned off postie from Dalmarnock and now a rising star in the City's Komedy Klub Circuit); he paused one scene and called to Isa to let this one stay a moment – it was the exterior of a familiar Public House but it was emblazoned with a name he had never associated with it, so he asked Isa to take a look, but she was none the wiser, and suggested they have a look at the interior scenes; quickly she found and fed four different angles to the Sergeant's screen and explained that Top Left is the bar from the entrance, Top Right is the same scene reversed, Bottom left is across the room looking towards the door to the toilets and the stairs to the Upper Function Room, and Bottom Right is that same scene reversed; Gordon pointed at one of the shots and told Isa that four of her cousins were there, right now; and near them a slutty-looking prostitute – identifiable by being dressed de rigueur for the streets, though to Gordon's taste a definite antaphrodisiac – was apparently having a case discussion with her Advocate (or simply propositioning the man, it was hard to tell with no audio), quite oblivious of the young cousins all talking at once in the privacy of their booth at the rear of the room, though Sergeant Brevity could not guess their subject; suddenly Trixie came into shot, from the double doors behind the booth: “what a Hoot,” said Trixie, returning from the Ladies to join her sister and cousins in the booth, and the four others turned their attention from the sluttish-looking girl at the bar to Trixie, expectant looks on their faces; “just met my friend Teri – the writer who's working with Daphne and Maude on their Memoirs – well, she's a guest at the Wedding Reception upstairs, that's where all the music and noise is coming from, or at least she thought she was a guest there, but she doesn't know anyone and I think I've worked out why;” and Roxy, cheekily asked – 'you' – as if nothing more surprising could be said; “yes me,” continued Trixie, “it seems she was invited to attend Georgie Corcoran and Felicity Dalwhinnie's Evening Reception in the Baillie Nicol Jarvie Inn and she came here, so I said this is Deacon Brodie's and she said she knew and I asked why she'd come here and she said she thought they'd made a mistake or rather a kind of a joke, and I asked who and she said Georgie and Felicity and I asked how and she said it was to do with Rob Roy apparently and I asked what did she mean and she said Georgie's been working on an adaptation of Rob Roy for BBC Scotland but when the Producer,” and Roxy asked who was the producer and Trixie said, “it's Mungo Macpherson of all people,” and they all laughed knowingly, and she continued, “well he wanted to set more of the action in Edinburgh so the character of Baillie Nicol Jarvie was to be moved here from Glasgow and become a Burglar and Thief in the night,” and Jinty asked if Mungo wasn't confusing him with Deacon Brodie and Trixie said, “yes, that's what Georgie said, but Mungo was adamant, he read them the riot act and became quite hysterical, saying it was for quote artistic unquote reasons – which really meant HIS reasons so now Rob Roy has Baillie Nicol Jarvie as an Edinburgh Councillor and thief in the night and Mungo wanted him to have this pub as his own, with the signs changed to say Baillie Nicol Jarvie instead of Deacon Brodie,” and Leigh asked if either Baillie Nicol Jarvie or Deacon Brodie had a pub and if so was this it, and Trixie gave her a look that said “No Comment” and continued, “so they had new signs made and erected for publicity shots and they're still up because shooting starts tomorrow, just on location scene setters, without the actors, and if we'd all been strangers instead of locals and regulars we'd have bothered to check that this was the right place, but as we didn't need to we didn't and nor did Teri, so none of us noticed the different name outside, gainsaying the true name of the place, but because of all the publicity shots around Felicity and Georgie's office or Writing Room, or whatever they call it, of this place, but with the name of BNJ, I only abbreviate to save time,” and everyone laughed because one thing Trixie never saved – or more accurately, one of the many things that Trixie never saved – was TIME, and they all shouted GO ON and she did, “so when the invitation came and she saw the picture of this pub with the BNJ signs up she assumed naturally that this was the venue, but as it's an entirely different couple upstairs, called Dusty and Rusty, or maybe one of them is Busty, and Teri didn't know a soul among the guests and none of them knew Georgie or Felicity, which is really quite surprising, but it seems they were all Rugby Bufters, so I suppose that's understandable, but anyway it seems that it's Teri who got it all wrong and now she's trying to cadge a lift to the real BNJ Hotel and Bar,” where's that, asked Elvira, reaching for her car keys, and Trixie said “Aberfoyle,” and Elvira dropped her car keys back on the table, and Trixie continued, “except that it's not, well it is and it isn't, if you see what I mean,” but no-one did, and she thought for a moment that the sluttish-looking girl at the bar with her Advocate was looking rather strangely at her, in the same way as Roxy and the others, almost as if she was following Trixie's account, but then Trixie dismissed this idea for, unless she was a lip-reader the girl was too far away and surrounded by so many men, that really, she couldn't have heard what Trixie was saying, so she re-focussed on her friends around the table and said “it's not a Hotel, it's been converted to luxury apartments – not flats – apartments, but it's called Baillie Nicol Jarvie Court and there's no way Georgie and Felicity could be having their Reception there, so obviously Teri came here, but she's now so confused, she can't tell a Baillie from a Deacon, or a Jarvie from a Brodie, and she says next thing she'll probably see Jeannie Deans walk in alive as you and me,” and the friends all hooted, and the sluttish-looking girl gulped down her vodka, touched her Advocate on the arm and hurried through the double doors towards the Ladies, and Trixie, rising, said, “excuse me, I think that girl's going to be sick,” and dashed through the doors after her, and almost simultaneously, Teri Somerville came through the doors and came over to the group and sat down where Trixie had been and said that she'd sorted it all out, that she'd simply got the day wrong, that Georgie and Felicity's nuptials are TOMORROW and the Evening Reception is here at 6pm and you know, she added, that she should have realised she'd got herself in a pickle because if it had been today, she'd have been 6 hours early instead of 30, and the friends all hooted and Teri joined in, and they were all laughing so happily and loudly that not one of them heard the scream that came from the direction of the Ladies, out by the rear of the pub!
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