Sentence The Sevenhundredandtwentyfifth

 

Although he had spontaneously combusted in the underground apartment which he briefly shared with Peter Lorre, Peter Boo, Roxy Davidova, Laszlo Licinic, Geli Raubal, Unity Mitford, Uncle Tom Cobley and all, before excursus finding himself crowded with a mass of inhumanity in some kind of putrid sewer and then squirted like faeces into his good friend, first-cousin and confidant, Duncan Doubleday's Living Room in Cramond – a fitting home for the Assistant Chief Constable of Police Scotland – Martin Elginbrod QC was in high spirits; once the boys and girls who had somehow been deposited with him, filthy specimens at first glance, had been scrupulously bathed and scrubbed, along with himself, they actually proved rather pleasing to the eye: "just like Water Babies." Elginbrod remarked, casting an experienced eye and hand over them, "innocent and, at the same time, coquettish, yes?" and Doubleday heartily agreed for, like Elginbrod, he was a connoisseur of pre-pubescent children and he approved of his cousin's idea for scuppering the electoral chances of the Nationalist Party in the imminent General Election by producing, for the Media, this hitherto unknown offspring of an alleged adulterous coupling of the former and present First Ministers of Scotland: Eck Salamander and Ginger Goldfish! so when he put down the telephone and reported his conversation with his sister, Shelley 'Bouncer' Ball (nee Elginbrod) to Doubleday, informing him that she grok exactly what he was planning, and gave the 'Long-Lost Plot' her imprimatur, they were both soon toasting 'The Roasting' of Fish and Chips – their nicknames for their two bêtes noir: "oh, when the Hoi Polloi see the looks on their faces, the votes will go down the Swannee," cackled Martin, while Duncan chuckled, "they may think they're Big Cheeses the noo, but they'll soon be Sma' Potatoes," thus demonstrating his tendency to employ bahuvrihi, then pulled out his Police Whistle and gave a bravura rendition of Colonel Bogey, and all the time the children's eyes were like saucers, astonished at the hi-jinks of their 'Protectors' and dreading what depravity their exuberance might lead to!