Sentence The Sevenhundredandeighth

 

"Perhaps, dear Capercaillie, you could explain to the Professors – you do know each other, don't you?" asked Aunt Maude; "well," said Sir Capercaillie, "I know Professor Sir Clement Dane, of course, but I'm not sure which is which," and the two Danes said: "I am he, and I know you very well indeed, Gillyfeather!" which in stereo was rather disconcerting, so Aunt Daphne explained what had occurred to bring about two identical Professors, but which is superfluous here, suffice it to say that once that was clear as mud to the Cartographer Royal, he took a deep breath and began to explain his findings: "whether or not we choose to believe that the Universe and, per se, our own planet Earth, were created by a God, there is some evidence that the liquid core of the planet, covered by an outer shell of rock, high in places, shallow in others, in which the oceans have gathered. . . . ." one of the Clement Danes banged on the table with his fist: "what's all this gibberish about golf balls for, Gillyfeather? we aren't Primary School children, get to the point!" and with a cough the cartographer continued: "well, by studying the mean levels of the oceans and seas, eliminating the tidal effects of the Moon and prevailing winds, and building a model which allows us to return the Tectonic Plates to their original positions immediately after the planet was formed, I have shown that the vestigial remnant of the original Plug which prevented the Magma from bursting forth, is, in fact, the Eildon Hills and there still remain routes beneath the crust, linking these hills, which Melrose clings to, with other primeval locations across the face of the globe and, most interestingly, these sub-strata channels are precisely replicated on the surface by intersecting Ley Lines: and I have produced a simplified map which is loosely based upon Frank Peck's London Underground Map and that is particularly apt because they perform the same sort of rapid transport system as each other!" and he looked from face to face, but his audience seemed rather unmoved, despite his own excitement, so he waited and eventually one of the Clement Danes asked: "and how do the Worm-holes fit in, then? you know, the Space/Time continuum hoo-ha?" and when Gillyfeather unrolled his diagrammatic representation of the Earth, criss-crossed by various coloured lines it did indeed rather look like the London Tube Map

and the other Clement Dane shouted out "Mornington Crescent!" at which the two of them erupted into near hysterical laughter and even Daphne and Maude had to contain themselves because it had been very funny indeed; but poor Capercaillie Gillyfeather looked rather crestfallen until Maude reached out and took his hand and said: "it's an excellent Plan, Caillie, I love it, and you've shown exactly how all these distant places are connected; I think we ought to show it to Mr Smiles and my niece Jasmine, they are with the Secret Service and are looking into other aspects of this business, I think they will find your work most helpful," which rather cheered him up and, turning his back on the two Philistines, he continued his conversation exclusively with Maude, sotto voce! "at the risk of seeming sybaritic, dear Maude, and not wishing to be ambiguous, I must mention the strangest synesthesia I experienced on the train down this morning, almost as if it were meant to be, do you see?" and she murmured back: "9 across, chemical element, 9 letters, blank t blank e blank blank i blank m answer ytterbium, yes?" and the passion that coursed through his body was a heady mixture of pheromones, dear Maude's Woods of Windsor Lavender Eau-de-Toilette and his own Woods of Windsor Gentleman's Baume Âpre Rasage!